Can you believe it?! They say everything is legal in Amsterdam. So you can walk naked in the sauna between guys and girls, if you wanted to. They allow women to breast feed in public, I guess it that's a good thing. Men can pee in public; in these urination things. These gray plastic objects that look like giants put their origami accidents in the middle of the street. Then of course there is the soft drugs. I mean every one has heard the stories about the city and the places with those lights and I don't mean China town.
So here I am getting tours about the famous artists and dyke builders. At night I have dinner and I nearly fall asleep, because at night they sit for over three hours eating one course after another, just talking. Sitting and talking to each other for hours on end. Talking about politics and all kinds of things. How the Dutch were during the 80 years war. How they were during WW II. How they are now with the regulations changes. Not to mention the law changes with the EU and the TTIP - or whatever those trade deals are called. I tried to change the subject many times. Change the talks to how great the food is. Although, for most of the time there was no food. Between courses you wait for over 30 minutes. And as I found out it is normal to be waiting over 30 minutes!
As I am listening to how the people in the government apparently only plan short term strategies here. I think to myself and wonder what my evening would have been like if I had just stayed at the coffee shop. They sell more than just coffee there; if you catch my drift. My mind focused on the brownies everyone was raving about. Those mushy looking dark chocolate covered pieces of heaven.
Outside rain is pouring down from the sky. My shoes slowly filling with water. The taxi shows up, the license plate is blue so I feel safe to get in it. I ask for the price - before I get in, of course. I get in and apologize to the driver for being wet.
Now the strangest thing happens. I wake up in small room. I check if I still have my kidneys. Not one scratch. I look around. The room kind of looks like a hospital room. A flat screen hangs off the wall there is a desk, the bed with minimal covers where I am on and toilet. "Where am I and what is going on!" It totally feels like I took the wrong pill. Like a scene from the matrix gone bad. I have no idea what happened or where I am. I try to go back to sleep; for I must have had a neurological error or some sort of glitch - for me to wake up like that! Maybe I am still dreaming. I tell myself to go back to sleep. But nothing I do or try seems to change my new reality.
It took me forever to straighten things out! Turns out I went sleepwalking. Something I do every night, I usually walk a block and go back to bed. No biggy. I am so used to doing it that I never even dreamt it would be illegal. I mean SERIOUSLY. Who would think sleepwalking is illegal in a place with a reputation like AMSTERDAM. I was walking around without ID. Usually I do not pick up my purse, passport, or anything really when sleepwalking. It is kind of obvious, too, when I do it. I am sure if you see me you think wow: "there is a sleepwalker!" Apparently they asked my to identify myself. A new law they put in place in 2005. Basically it boils down to this: you are not allowed to exist on the street without ID. If you do not carry ID, you in fact are illegal. Or if you get robbed and consequently don't have your ID; you are breaking the law by not carrying one.
Now, I am sure criminals are having a field day, since every person outside now can get robbed, easily. For ID thieves it is a guaranteed hit, every time! When they rob someone: ninety nine percent chance they will have some form of ID on them. In my case; however, I had none. Therefore, I was taken in, and since I did not speak Dutch I was moved to the deportation jail, which actually looked better than my hotel room.
So if you are a sleepwalker and you happen to be in Amsterdam, make sure you get a bed or someone to chain yourself to. Or if your hotel sucks, maybe just walk around without your ID.
